Last week while driving on some errands, I listened to the Dennis
Prager show. I came in just as one
listener was sharing the lack of appreciation she felt from her husband. She had stayed home to raise her children and
now they were grown and accomplished. He
had an obligation to acknowledge his gratitude for all that she had done to
make a home for him and their children.
She only asked for small forms of appreciation like a note left on the
kitchen counter thanking her for her efforts and achievements. “Yes,” I thought, “that is what I crave. I need my husband to acknowledge me for a job
well-done, to thank me and pat me on the back.
Maybe I should call in to add my two cents.”
Not long after that call, Dennis voiced his own thoughts. He began by stating that he had intended to
stay quiet and let his listeners share without interruption, but he felt that
he must add something of his own to the conversation. I do not have the transcript before me, so I
loosely quote him here. In essence he
said something short and profound, something that convicted me deeply. He said, “I wonder if we sometimes forget to be
thankful.”
I thought back to his caller and her call. Dennis had dialoged with her as he often does
and, as I thought back to her answers, I realized that she probably had more
for which to be thankful than she realized. Yes, her husband had provided for the family
without complaint and they had lived comfortably. Yes, she and her husband were able to get
away for vacation time together. Yes, they
enjoyed one another’s company when they were together. Her husband was even willing to attend
counseling with her so that they could improve their marriage.
When I considered these responses, I was reminded of the book I have
been reading, Choosing Gratitude by
Nancy Leigh DeMoss. She writes, “I have seen how a lack of gratitude
manifests itself in fretting, complaining, and resenting – whether within the
confines of my own thoughts or, worse yet, through venting those thoughts to
others. . . Even in the most turbulent
waters, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions. It buoys me on the grace of God and keeps me
from drowning in what otherwise would be my natural bent toward doubt,
negativity, discouragement, and anxiety.”
I was left with some questions for myself. Am I choosing gratitude when I complain about
my husband’s lack of appreciation for me and my accomplishments? Am I really considering all that he does to
make my life and family work the way it does?
Am I selfishly expecting more from him in the way of appreciation than I
expect of myself? I began to consider
all that he does and to respond in my heart with gratitude. It is so easy to get caught in the trap of
complaining and resenting. How much
better to respond with gratefulness for the man God has so lovingly given me. How much better to center my thoughts on
those things I can appreciate about him.
How much better to live with thankfulness and joy rather than grumbling
and negativity.
As a wife I can choose to be discontent and demanding, a continual
dripping that brings dissension and strife.
Or I can choose to be content and filled with joy, a blessing that
brings peace and harmony. This is a
choice I must make daily and sometimes even hourly. It is a hard choice at times but the fruit of
gratitude brings my husband good and not evil and raises my own worth. May I then choose gratitude all my days and
may my husband be able to safely trust me as he sits in the gates among the
elders.
