A Looking Glass for Ladies

An excellent wife, who can find?

For her worth is far above jewels.

-Proverbs 31:10

Many of us try to avoid the Proverbs 31 woman.  She seems to be a special type of wonder woman, a picture of perfection that is out of reach for most normal women.  She rises while it is still night, she stays up past dark, she works with her hands, she avoids idleness, and she earns money in her free time.  A glance in her direction makes most of us want to run the opposite way.  Her perfection causes us to make excuses for our inability to live up to her standard.  But Matthew Henry calls this passage a “looking-glass for ladies, which they are desired to open and dress themselves by; and, if they do so, their adorning will be found to praise, and honor, and glory, at the appearing of Jesus Christ.”  And so I am emboldened to consider this model of womanhood.

Proverbs 31:10-31 is an acrostic poem that uses each of the twenty-two letters of the Hebrew alphabet in sequence to begin the first word of each verse.  Dorothy Patterson suggests that its literary form may have made it easier to commit the passage to memory.  Indeed the passage was recited in many Jewish homes on the eve of Sabbath to challenge and express gratitude to the mother in the home.  Or possibly its acrostic style was used to emphasize the characteristics used to describe this ideal woman, characteristics outlined by a mother for her son who would be king.  It was a description of the type of wife he should seek, a virtuous woman worth more than rubies, a wife suitable for a king. 

In the poem King Lemuel’s mother sings the praises of a worthy wife and godly mother.  This woman is excellent or, as some Bible versions state, virtuous.  The Hebrew word chayil is used here.  It means might, strength, power.  This is the description of a strong woman.  She is capable and energetic with a high sense of dignity.  In Ruth 3:11 Boaz used the same word to describe Ruth, “for all the people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence (chayil).”  Ruth, a widow, left her own homeland to travel with her mother-in-law to Bethlehem.  She rose early each morning and gleaned in the fields to provide food for her mother-in-law and herself.  She displayed a dignified strength and a loyal love that went beyond what was expected.   

What reassures me most about chayil is that I do not have to rely on my own virtue or strength to possess it.  God gives me this dignified strength as the Psalmist affirms in Psalm 18:31-32:  “For who is God, but the Lord?  And who is a rock, except our God, the God who girds me with strength (chayil) and makes my way blameless.”  The woman who fears the Lord is girded with strength and He makes her way blameless.  I still examine the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 with hesitation.  But I am encouraged by the fact that she is given as an example, a looking glass for ladies.  I am unable to match her skills and creativity perfectly, no woman can, but I can learn from her example and I can strive to exhibit the excellence and strength that she reflects with the help of the Lord Who is my rock and my fortress.

Elisabeth Elliot: A Mentor and Guide

On Monday, June 15, I scrolled down my facebook home page and found that Elisabeth Elliot Gren had passed away earlier that morning.  I paused with a sense of sadness.  But my sadness quickly turned to joy as I considered that she was now in the loving arms of the Lord she so faithfully served.  In His presence is fullness of joy.  Her struggles with dementia and old age were now gone and she dwelt securely in His right hand with pleasures forever more.  I am sure that she heard the words that we all long to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

I never knew Elisabeth Elliot personally but she was my mentor.  For more than ten years, most every day, at one-o-clock in the afternoon, I turned on the radio and heard the familiar words, “You are loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms.”  Sometimes I listened alone while my children rested.  Sometimes I listened with a baby in my arms.  Sometimes my children and I listened together, especially when she read stories aloud at Christmas time.  I listened and I learned and I grew in my walk with the Lord. 

Elisabeth Elliot inspired me during those early years of my motherhood.  She taught me that we all have “too much stuff – more than enough” and to “just do the next thing.”  She taught me to love my husband and my children.  She taught me to fear, honor, and reverence God even in the most mundane and ordinary tasks, tasks like doing dishes and folding clothes.  She imparted in me a willing spirit to do what God called me to do as a Christian woman, wife, and mother.  She encouraged me to be committed to Him and His ways even when they went against the ways of this world. 

Along the way, Elisabeth Elliot introduced me to other mentors, women like Amy Carmichael and Elizabeth Prentiss.   She guided me through her spoken words on her radio program.  She directed me through her written words in her books and newsletters.  But most of all, Elisabeth Elliot inspired me by her own example:  her trust when Jim Elliot died; her faithfulness to minister to the very people who killed him; her commitment to encourage other women with the truths she had learned. 

The back of my Gateway to Joy book states that “Elisabeth Elliot has modelled courageous faith for more than forty years of public life.  Her wisdom has been gleaned from her experiences as a twice-widowed wife, mother, grandmother, missionary, Bible translator, radio broadcaster, public speaker, and best-selling author.”  She continued to model that courageous faith even when she learned of her memory loss.  Her husband Lars Gren shares that she handled it as she handled all else in her life, with acceptance.  In acceptance lieth peace.  Once again she taught by her own example.

I am thankful for Elisabeth Elliot and for her ministry on Gateway to Joy.  She made a difference in my life.  I am thankful also for the many other women who have led and guided me along my life journey.  I thank God that He calls women to teach and encourage other women and I pray that I will be as faithful and willing in that calling as women like Elisabeth Elliot have been.   

When Mother Reads Aloud

You may have tangible wealth untold,

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

Richer than I you can never be –

I had a mother who read to me

-A Reading Mother by Strickland W. Gillilan

I agree with Henry Ward Beecher when he says, “A home without books is like a room without windows.  .  .  .  A library is not a luxury, but one of the necessities of life.”  Indeed, books enrich our lives.  They transport us to different times and places.  They allow us to experience life in another’s shoes.  They enlighten us with timeless truths and values.  Books are a necessity and so we collected books.  Our home is crowded with books:  books in every room, books stacked to make room for more, books beckoning to be read.    The living room holds the greatest treasure of books, at least one shelf for every wall, some shelves smaller than others but still filled with books.  As my children grew, we gathered in the living room to share adventures from the pages of our books.

I read aloud to my children.  Of course, we read picture books, but we also enjoyed chapter books – chapter by chapter, night after night.  One of the first chapter books we read together was Little House in the Big Woods.  We followed this book with the rest of the books in the series.  The Ingalls family had become part of our family.  We learned from Aslan along with the Pevensie children and we adventured with the Swallows and Amazons.  We traveled with missionaries and lived with historical figures.  We read stories that were fun and made us laugh and we read stories that were serious and made us think.  Some stories stretched our imaginations and some added to our education.      

Through our books we met people and traveled the world.  We sailed over oceans and flew through clouds.  We adventured with new friends and discovered fresh truths.  But most of all I hope that my children were touched through our reading:  touched to accomplish brave and noble deeds, touched to be strong and true to their convictions, touched to make a positive difference in the world.  I hope that the times we read aloud left them richer than before.

As I look around the room and ponder the books on the shelves, memories flood my mind.  I remember the stories that we read together and I long for more.  When I began writing this post, I thought that I would list people we met along the way and places we went.  I thought that I would share more titles and lessons learned.  But too many gather in my mind.  Which are the best?  Some of my children would say one and others would counter with another.  Different books touched their hearts and lives in different ways. 

I am thankful for the days I had to read aloud to my children.  I am thankful for the books we read together.  I can still see my children gathered together for a story.  Sometimes they came with handiwork or coloring books and sometimes they just listened.  I remember the day when my son sauntered through the room toward another activity.  He lingered by the doorway.  He had decided that he was too old for our read aloud times.  Even so, the written words and adventure captured and held him.  No one is too old for a good story to be read aloud.  Stories add to life.  So, choose a book, gather the children around, and enjoy an adventure together.

         

A Glad Mother and Father

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise son will be glad in him.

Let your father and mother be glad, and let her rejoice who gave birth to you.

-Proverbs 23:24-25

Almost twenty-six years ago, my first child, my only son, was placed in my arms and I fell in love.  I loved his big eyes.  A stranger at the grocery store once admired him in his little seat in the cart.  She told me that his eyes would become normal one day and I hoped that they wouldn’t.  I loved his grin.  It brightened my days and filled my heart.  I loved his talk.  He talked at an early age and I enjoyed our chats together.  He taught me a lot about motherhood and he grew.  He moved from the baby who cuddled while he nursed to the toddler who played at the playground.  He matured from the young boy who enjoyed math and numbers and held my hand when we walked along the way to the young adolescent who had thoughts and ideas of his own. 

Then, before I was quite ready, he was a young man with goals and dreams that would take him far from my loving care.  I held him with clenched fingers that God gently pried apart.  The days when he was a young child gathered close to my knees seemed much easier.  Now he would move more than 600 miles from home.  My days of daily influence were over.  For the most part, he was on his own and he would make his own choices.  I wondered in my troubled heart why God would give such a precious gift and then tear it from my arms.  Of course, God didn’t tear him from my arms.  As a friend reminded me, we do want our kids to move on and live the life God has planned for them.  It is the cycle of life that He has created.  And I reluctantly agreed.

Two years ago, on June 8, that mature young man moved further from my grasp.  He found and married an excellent wife.  His role and responsibilities have changed.  He is now a husband.  He is still my son and he will remain in my heart forever.  I will like him for always.  But he has a family of his own now.  My role and influence have changed.  Life is full of these changes.  They remind us to number our days and to make the moments count.

The years pass ever too quickly.  Goodbyes happen ever too frequently.  Goodbyes are hard.  Letting go causes pain.  But, I have found that it also brings joy:  joy as they persevere and succeed; joy as they walk by faith and live righteously:  joy as they make wise decisions.  These things make a mother and father glad; they allow us to rejoice.  So, let’s cherish the times that we have with our children.  Let’s help them build strong foundations.  Let’s teach them to fly.  Then, when they move on, we can smile and wave.  We will shed a few tears, but we will also watch them soar to new heights of their own.